>DAYS GO BY
Yep, they do. They zoom by with the speed of time. I don't know if I'm making sense here, but all I'm saying is that the time has really rolled by. Then why did you not just say that, fool?
In the days since I last blogged, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I guess the one good thing I can say happened to me was the first break thru I had with the INS. I got my job thing. Thank You Jesus.
Aside from that, it's been downhill.
My money situation gets more fucked up by the day and I finally laid Ren down to rest.
I finally broke up with him and it's not as liberating as I thought it would be. I knew it would hurt but I thought I would also feel a sense of relief. None of that. I'm just plain miserable. He tried to talk me out of it. Honestly, this is the hardest decision I've ever had the misfortune to make in my miserable life.
To still love someone but have to accept that you have to give him up is damn near debilitating.
Ren tried to talk his way out of it but I knew that if I didn't stick to my resolution, this was kind of relationship I was doomed to have with him. He messes up, I get fed up, give him the boot and the finger, he apologizes, convinces me he's really sorry, I welcome him back into my life, he gets back on top, he feels comfortable, then messes up again.
Yep, I had to make that decision, or live and die that way.
He finally admitted that that he realized that he wasn't able to give me what I wanted from a relationship right now and that was why we had been having all these conflicts.
I told him I knew a cop out when I saw one. A guy tells you some bullish about him dealing with certain issues which prevent him from giving the part of him that you want, he's really telling you, I want you, but I can't really do this right now, so it's up to you. Make a decision or live and die this way.
Only in my case, my dude asks for my understanding and acknowledgement of the fact that he has no idea what to do.
I can only shake my head in amazement at how the hell I got here again.
There seems to be a posting on my forehead: "I need more pain, please!!!!" Hit me one!
Anyway, the days rolled by and this is what they brought.