FREE YOUR MIND, INDEED.
Oh, wow. What a week I have had. I'm talking about the time spanning mmm..I'll say last Frday till today. See, when I came back form The Burgh, I went ahead and told Mill what was up with me. It wasn't pretty. I did a lot of crying mainly b'cos I missed Ren like he was my little bro and I was hormone ridden. It all worked to my benefit cos I had Mill thinking I was crying cos of my goodbye. Which, in retrospect, isn't entirely off the mark. I felt a little remorse. But that isn't why I'm writing.
Friday Ren calls me about 5 times at work. On his third call, he asks me why I get so happy when he calls me. It sets off the discussion I had been dreading but still found necessary.
By the time I hungup, I had been made aware that Mr Ren E still thinks about his ex. He still contemplates. He still relects on whether he had made such a good decision to let her go on basis of origin. He has been told by coupla buddies that his reason for letting her go wasn't right. And all that BULLSHIT. WHY ALL THIS NOW!!! AGAIN?!!!!
So I say "You know what? I've had it. That's it. BYE!!!"
I had my convictions reinforced by four other people who all said the same thing. Run, Patricia, RUN!!
Sat: Mr Ren E gets to feel the sting of my cold shoulder. By midnight I had him begging and literally crying into my voice mail box. I lost count after the twelfth or so time he called without my picking up. In the evening though, sometime in there, he asked me to talk to his brother. Why? I wondered.
Anyways, I had no idea my strategy would turn MR Hgh and Mighty into a grovelling snivelling kid. It pulled at my heartstrings.
I really wish I could say I have hime now. I still don't. The negro is still contemplating and reflecting.
Why am I still even speaking to him? For one thing, I know now that not taking his calls is not gonna work. He'll just blow up my damn phone. So I just talk to him, cautiously now, and let none of his hints and barely undisguised comments get to my head.
We all know him now, he can bring you down any minute.
Meanwhile I pray it all works out. If I get him, I get him. If I don't GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH TO DEAL AND HEAL WITH IT.
I hope this blog doesn't sound too pathetic and make me puke one day.