UPDATES ON MY LIFE THUS FAR

well, well, well. It's almost end of February and here I am with my next blog. I have my reasons though,okay? One, I've been very busy.Two, busy made me forget. Three, I decided to wait awhile before even attempting to free my mind this year cos the demons( evidently, they sensed they were about to be buried) went haywire in my mind. The first couple weeks in Jan were emotionally exhausting. Work kept me busy, cos I now realize I was a pioneer in what I was doing. I emerged out of training and was slammed first thing into the new mainframe. I saw the opportunity to make money and took it. But aside from that, I was carless, and totally dependent on Mill. Lolita's owner came for her on New Year's Eve. I watched him drive her away without much emotion. Now to find a replacement. That's when the opportunity at work to make extra cheese came in. Catch my drift now?
Anyway, I spent most of January dreading the one year anniversary of Mill's bombshell in my psyche and when the date finally came around, I barely realized what day it was. Thank God for work. Took my mind off what would have been a nerve-wracking experience.
Come Feb and I'm ready to go car hunting. Armed with 800 dollars and ridiculous credit, I get to the dealership and walk away with a 1999 Honda Civic and an interest rate which I know is goingto be the death of me. Here, again, the opportunity at work to make extra money comes in.
After careful review, I've decided to discontinue the "GRUDGES IN OLD JARS" blog. The sermon at Sunday's mass was about things like that.
I have to find a way to let it all go. The Grudges blog will be as effective as looking for old scars and tearing off their scabs, just to watch them bleed. Besides, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what is single handedly the most traumatizing situation I've ever been in my life. It wins, hands down. Don't need a blog for that. It's etched in my brain. Couldn't erase it if i wanted to. And if I do forget, then, glory halleluiah, good riddance to bad rubbish.
So yeah, Grudges is not to be. Somehow I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to complete it. That's too much pain right there.
Anyway, I had an ab fab Val. For the first time I had a Val from someone I'm in a relationship with. Really, ever since that day, Mill is been acting wierd. He's being real nice. Esp this past weekend. This whole week he's been acting the way I've always wished. I've been waiting for him to come off it anyday now, but he told me he's warming up to me some more and please don't make him change his mind.
WELL! I'm having a hard time dealing with it, though, cos this is what he does, I get really used to it, then he does that little about face 360 on me, pisses me off and then we fight. He's a wierd bag of fish, is my husband. I've never seen anyone subject to more abrupt changes in moods.
Anything will set him off, and the scary thing is I dont't know what it is, NEITHER DOES HE. I get mood swings all the time, but I'm blessed with oodles of estrogen, and a uterus, and ovaries. What's his excuse?
Take New Year's eve for eg. Everything was fine; he was off, relaxing, was cool about Lolita's owner showing up and all that. We got ready to go see "Red Dragon". Soon as we headed for the door, he started acting the Jacquass. Just like that. It was so abrupt and so out the blue I could actually see the chemicals ( Jack and Ass) flooding his brain. Messed up my New Year's eve. I was pissed. I guess he got pissed off that he had to go back to driving Ubu. Hell, Negro, that's YOUR car, is it not? Shit.
Anyway, now the reverse is happened. Sometime b/n Sat night( we went to see The Life of David Gale) and Sun afternoon, something got triggered in him, now he's acting like we're on honeymoon or something. Me having the flu has made him even more tender. WHAT THE HELL??!!!
The jacked up part is that I can't enjoy it cos I can't. Don't want to get too used to it and then get mad when it stops.
As of now, I'm waiting for the axe to fall. Is that totally phucked up or what?