AAAIIEEE
trying to make dat cheese,G. came in early again. i'm about ready to pass out, now. I'm genuinely tired. and i got to get up early and go fedex some stuff. this will be a short one cos i have tons of work to do. and it's almost time for me to get off the clock and roll on outta here.
i'll holler.

 
CAFFEINE HAS VIRTUES?
I can't believe i spent a whole page extolling the virtues of that cursed brown liquid that could only have been devised by the devil. Sure, people who need the boost, like i did yesterday, think caffeine is essential to their existence, but when it boosts you up so much you stay awake well into the ungoldly hours of the night, man, you want to kick major butt.
I did everything to help me sleep. didn't work. was still up when Mill came home. he felt sorry for me so he tried to help me out as much as he could. i was still up till i had a crazy idea, when to my medicine cabinet and killed the bottle of NyQuil that I had in there. I was out like the proverbial light 45 mins later. Sweet.
The effects of the caffeine were still strong in my bloodstream though. I was up after an hour and had broken-up sleep from then on till it was time for me to get up. Surprisingly, I was not as exhausted as I though I would be.
So here I am now, came to work two and half hours early and i haven't passed out yet. I shudder to think that maybe that cursed caffeine is still working. But there's no other way I can explain why I'm not dog tired. Or maybe,i'm just a strong black woman. huh.
Anyway. This depressing day, courtesy of the moron terrorists, has made everything so mellow.
me, little bro and mama talked.
i hope i can get some sleep tonight. Viva le NyQuil, si?

 
ON THE VIRTUES OF CAFFEINE
I stopped at Starbucks on my way to work because I really didn't get that much sleep last night and i had to get up early to go pay mylight bill b4 it got cut off. i always wait till the very last minute to do that. I wonder why....
Well anyway, i dragged myself outta bed and remember that i've been seeing those commercials on tv where the dude is so weighed down and sluggish and suddenly perks up after drinking some Starbucks coffee. So I roll on over there and man, I don't know if it was a mind thing or not, but one sip from that mocha chocolate frappacino and I was raring and ready to go. I'm not lying. one sip. there's no way you can tag Starbucks for false advertising. that stuff works. or maybe I'm just caffeine intolerant. hell, that's probably what it is, cos even Coke gets me wired. To think that there was a time not even black coffee and two tabs of NoDoz kept me awake...
so yeah, by the time I got to work, I was totally wired and ready to bounce of the walls. Now my heart is beating so fast that I think I'm flirting with cardiac arrest. my body thinks i'm nervous or something. My spirits have kinda taken a dip too. Yeah, that stuff does that to me. I get slightly bi-polar with caffeine. I just realized that. I have just gotten over the high that i had about five hours ago. Sucks.
And even though I'm refusing to admit it, I guess I'm kinda nostalgic about Ira. Despite all the crap, he was a good buddy and my rescue angel when I needed one. I'll always appreciate him and God( for sending him) for that, but I guess all good things have to come to an end, and he's Akata, so that's two strikes against him already. The whole thing was doomed from the start and since I guess he was inserted into my summer for the sole purpose of preventing my loss of sanity, i figure he's served his purpose and i gotta say goodbye. what can i say, goodbyes leave me forklempt.
It still felt good to give him a piece of my mind, though. God, it felt good. Yeah, bliss is telling the jackass, who hurt you (and runs away and makes the sorry mistake of calling you), to kiss your nether regions. It felt so good to have the strength to tell him to stay the hell outta my life. I'm usually a pushover when it comes to these things. Yeah well, like I said. good riddance to bad rubbish.
my main concern was Mill, though. I was paranoid that about that. But i have to have faith in God and pray that what i was scared of, is unfounded. and God, did i probe and pick his brain. either he's a very good actor or I really am paranoid. do you blame me. i said it before, i worked too hard on this relationship for me to let something like that sorry s.o.b. mess it up.
My mama's birthday tomorrow. we can't even celebrate it. America's death day has been turned into a day of mourning for the whole world.
Osama, yo' mama.
i'll holler

 
PARANOIA
I think I suffer from the above disorder, y'all. But is it reallly paranoia if what you're paranoid about is really happening? I guess that's the paradox, huh? PARA, PARA, PARA. Anyway, if you suspect something is going on and are not sure, they say you have paranoia. When what you suspect is true, your paranoia is labelled "intuition", "gut-feeling", "hunch". Humph!!!
I had a wonderful relaxing weekend. Even though Mill and I were kinda broke(in between paychecks, y'know) we still managed to catch a movie. "Undisputed". then came home and worked on our relationship some more. real man to woman bonding. if you know what i mean.. then hung out in front of the tv till we both fell asleep.
sunday, same story. lazed and lazed like i haven't done in a looonng while. Being lazy is pure bliss. lazed so much i missed my five pm mass. I managed to yank myself up with a lot of guilt and soul searching and sheer force of will, to attend the nine o'clock mass. did some laundry and then slept.
Mill showed me this weekend, what priority i had in his life. He didn't go and see and a friend because he thought it would upset me. wow. i was kinda flattered then felt guilty. i just hope i can live up to that standard he has just set when the time calls for it.
yeah, it was a great weekend and still counting till come Monday, the devil decides to try and take away my happiness. is it paranoia if you're trying to save your relationship? I think not.
like i said, i worked too hard for my relationship to even become one and work out, to let petty crap like IMMATURITY and INDECENCY to mess it up. It won't work..... I won't let it.